Proof is always in the pudding, officially 20lbs down and my old jeans fit again. Finally being able to face the scale has given me all the motivation in the world. Absolutely nothing better than seeing it go down every time.
Tracks
(Source: embrace--the--martian)
There’s desperation in frustration
I’m having a lot of trouble sleeping tonight, and its bothering me because here lately I haven’t really had that problem. It’s also throwing me for a loop because my mind is on another fucking roller coaster. A couple days ago I admitted to myself the depth for which I care for Matthew, and today, well today my mind wants to throw me back into the same spiral I’ve been in for five damn years. I miss you so much it’s not even funny, and I feel like all I do with my time is talk to as many people as possible to fill the void that screwing things up with you has left. Seeing your posts about her on facebook make me sick to my stomach, re-adding you was the dumbest thing I have ever done. There is so much bliss in ignorance it’s not even funny. I can hope for the rest of my life that for some reason we’ll end up back together, that that’s what God really has planned for us. But it’s not. You’re happy with her, most of the time at least. Plus, let’s be honest, as wonderfully animated as you are to talk to, I really don’t like all of the things you’ve done or are doing. I’d never willingly choose someone with the same habits again.
I think my mind is just getting the best of me…they say you always have a place in your heart for the first person you love. I think they’re right. But settling is all I’ll be doing from here on out…because to this day you’re still my number one.
![Bruce Lee had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We’d run the three miles in twenty-one or twenty-two minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile [Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six-and-a half minutes per mile]. So this morning he said to me “We’re going to go five.” I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a helluva lot older than you are, and I can’t do five.” He said, “When we get to three, we’ll shift gears and it’s only two more and you’ll do it.” I said “Okay, hell, I’ll go for it.” So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I’m okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out. I’m tired, my heart’s pounding, I can’t go any more and so I say to him, “Bruce if I run any more,” –and we’re still running-”if I run any more I’m liable to have a heart attack and die.” He said, “Then die.” It made me so mad that I went the full five miles. Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it. I said, you know, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.”
Always looked up to him, wonderful martial artist and clearly a wonderful example of a man](http://24.media.tumblr.com/fee8cc9ca8f062efbb85861a8f0e5ab2/tumblr_mgideaCyyT1s1s9jvo1_500.jpg)
Bruce Lee had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We’d run the three miles in twenty-one or twenty-two minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile [Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six-and-a half minutes per mile]. So this morning he said to me “We’re going to go five.” I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a helluva lot older than you are, and I can’t do five.” He said, “When we get to three, we’ll shift gears and it’s only two more and you’ll do it.” I said “Okay, hell, I’ll go for it.” So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I’m okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out. I’m tired, my heart’s pounding, I can’t go any more and so I say to him, “Bruce if I run any more,” –and we’re still running-”if I run any more I’m liable to have a heart attack and die.” He said, “Then die.” It made me so mad that I went the full five miles. Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it. I said, you know, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.”
Always looked up to him, wonderful martial artist and clearly a wonderful example of a man
(Source: insearchforknowledge)
Oh there’s days I wish you lived here just so I could hit you, but there’s so many more where I wish you were here so I could feel you. You’re my alarm clock, my pick me up on a bad day, the reason my dreams came back, and the reason I’ve never been so excited to explore the future — you’re my world. No matter how much I run my mouth about how confused I am or all of the wrong you do, the fact of the ‘Matt’er is that I can’t fathom giving you up now, not when you’re so close…we’re so close.
Too much, babe. Too much.
But this damn river needs to flow
Talking to your best friend always has a way of bringing out more of you than you ever thought possible. It’s been almost 6 years since what we had blossomed, and at 15 you were exactly what I needed to save me from me. I was (and still am) a cynic, and if there was anyone thatdidn’t believe in love it was me. Talking to you taught me emotions I never believed could happen. Knowing you has requited me with a burning desire to find what you made me feel again, even if it was short lived. You are my second biggest regret in my life. I regret hurting you, I regret making a fool of myself, and I regret losing the only real love I’ve felt in six years.
We may never be anything ever again, and I (most days) can handle that. But you, my dear, deserve the biggest thanks of all: Thank you for resonating so deeply into my being that I’m always reminded that love should never settle, thank you for loving me in your own way these past few years, and thank you, mostly, for the best and most vivid memories a girl could ever ask for. Your eyes, darlin, could melt any heart a thousand times over.
Ahem, Stephanie :P
Literally the only junk food (besides my infinite want for wings that doesn’t count) that I still crave. I WILL beat this lol
(Source: ch1pz-ah0y)
Why you gotta, why you wanna make me keep wanting you?
Although I, admittedly, have my days where my mind still wanders to years ago when there was still hope for us. You were the first person I ever loved, like actually loved, and it sucks to know that I’ll forever feel something towards you. Your laugh makes me laugh, hearing your smile makes my smile a country mile wide, but hearing you’re doing well for yourself? Well that makes my heart so content. I may not be your present, and I may not be your future, but I will always be the person who worries about you. I’ll always be your past and you’ll always be mine. At least we have that
